When the horror baby isn’t pissing himself or crying about food, he spends his time trying to release the Cenobites into our world. He has not yet been successful in his endeavors, but he still has the movies. The following is a quick breakdown of his opinion of each film in the Hellraiser franchise. There will be some unexpected twists in his rankings, but I tend to support most of his decisions.
When it comes to first and second place, he has trouble deciding between the first and second films in the franchise. Since ties, however, are like kissing your sister, he chose Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 as the ultimate Hellraiser film. It was not directed by Clive Barker; but, it takes everything the original film has and improves upon it. In fact, it is one of the few sequels that goes above and beyond the original in just about every area. Ashley Laurence is awesome in this film and the clash between Dr. Channard and Pinhead is epic to say the least. You also have the return of Julia and Frank, just in case there isn’t already enough going on in this film. Although, the first film comes in at a close second, they are still the only two must-own films in the franchise.
The horror baby’s number three film in the franchise is Hellseeker. It marks Ashley Laurence’s return to the franchise after taking a few films off. It also features Dean Winters, who played Ryan O’Reily in Oz. It has a cool story-line, with and awesome twist ending. Bloodline is the baby’s fourth favorite film in the franchise. It was infamously re-edited by the production company and disowned by the director. The baby and I both still really this film though. It is cool to watch the puzzle box create havoc over a period of hundreds of years. An ultimate director’s cut would be an amazing thing to see, and something we will probably be hoping for forever.
Coming in fifth is Hell on Earth. It was the third film in the series, and it did keep the story-line from the first two films moving. It did, however, include irritating characters and it annoyingly attempted to change the rules of the creation of Cenobites. Inferno came in sixth. It stars Craig Sheffer, from Clive Barker’s Nightbreed. It is pretty cool, but really didn’t have anything to add to the franchise. It has a cool ending; but, the overall plot is pretty predictable.
The final three films in the franchise are really complete jokes. The horror baby hates them all; but, he has to finish what he started and rank them all. In seventh place, we have Deader. It is absolutely terrible. The only thing that saves it is the fact that it’s not as bad as the other two that are left. Revelations, surprisingly, took eighth place. It is the most hated film in the franchise by most people. It was only made so the Weinstein’s could keep the rights to film in order to do the remake. Yeah, that remake that that still hasn’t happened yet.
Despite the fact that Revelations is total crap, the horror baby thinks Hellworld is the worst of them all. It is barely a Hellraiser film after all. It takes place somewhere between a stupid online virtual gaming world and a rave party. Doug Bradley is barely even in it! Revelations was at least an attempt at a Hellraiser type story-line, even without Doug. All the while, Hellworld was just trying to capitalize on this new great invention called the internet.
P.S.- If you disagree with any of the rankings, remember that you are getting mad at a five month old baby.
Buy any of the films by clicking below: