The Slaughterhouse Massacre (2005) Film Review: I Don’t Usually Review Films I Hate

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Coming in with a whopping 2.3 on IMDB, I feel like some people out there were being a little too nice to this film. This film is the reason that I only sporadically use Netflix, when I can get a free month here and there. Now in the last year or so, Netflix has started to get better films. This film was from years ago when their selection still sucked. I can only take the time period into consideration in this case when reviewing Netflix. That does not excuse the awful piece of film making that is The Slaughterhouse Massacre.

If you want to watch a movie that looks like it was filmed on a cell phone and written by two drunk frat boys, this film may be for you. This film is full of pointless nudity, which is probably also the best part. The opening sex scene was apparently so good, they had to return to it in a flashback to make the film even longer. The girl on girl make out scene at the party also goes on forever. It isn’t even two girls being obnoxiously cheered on by frat boys, it’s just two naked chicks that no one in the scene is even paying attention to. Ok, I think I may be more offended by the fact that no one was cheering them on.

As a film, the direction is cheap and writing is pitiful. It is a Texas Chainsaw rip off right up to the obvious title. The characters’ line are goofy and forced. The acting makes every character so unlikable that you cheer for every death. The fact that the shitty comic-relief-stoner-guy doesn’t die will totally piss you off. His lines are repetitive, unfunny, and his actions are full of cliches. He, of course, saves the main character, who, for some reason, had to take her clothes off to escape through a hole that she would have easily fit through anyway. You will know what I’m talking about, if you can make it to the end of this movie without falling asleep. I give it a 1/10 for that one girl in that one scene. I will not include an Amazon link on this review because if you want to buy it you are a total moron.

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